Eight-Year-Old Birthday Girl Looking Very Fancy Today

According to numerous reports out of the Chantilly Tea Room & Gift Boutique in Tuscon, Arizona, birthday girl Abigail Snyder-Kipp is looking like a very fancy little lady, isn’t she? With her silver taffeta dress, one-inch high heels, and pink nail polish (not the little kid peel-off kind), Snyder-Kipp is just about the most beautiful birthday princess in all of Arizona. She twirls very well.


The fanciest birthday girl entered the tea room earlier this afternoon accompanied by several courtiers, including her baby brother Dylan, her mom, her mom’s new friend Ted, and Grandma Dinah. Snyder-Kipp started off her celebration by ordering a Shirley Temple, which was served promptly by the handsomest waiter in a champagne glass with three cherries. She opted to hold it in her white-gloved hand with her pinky out, which all 30 party guests agreed was a very charming and adorable way for a young lady to hold a champagne glass.


The waiter looked like Beast when he is a regular human prince at the end of the movie, but normal, not a cartoon.



The birthday girl, wearing her finest faux-hair ponytail holder and butterfly clips, was seen ordering Earl Grey Tea for her baby brother Dylan, who couldn’t drink it because tea is very hot and he is still a baby, but everyone is sure that Dylan appreciated the gesture nonetheless. Additionally, sources reported that the reason babies can’t drink tea is because their mouths are more delicate, and they’re more likely to pull it onto themselves and burn themselves because babies are not as coordinated as big grown-up girls like Abigail.


After the tea and tea sandwiches were consumed, a very special disc jockey named Dan arrived and began to play all of the finest Taylor Swift songs, requested specifically by the birthday girl. The clip-on earrings she got after Grandma Audrey died sparkled in the glow of the DJ’s light machines, which had to be turned off because they made Dylan cry. Everyone did the dance set forth by Snyder-Kipp, which was a minimalist deconstruction of the Cotton-Eyed Joe.


The birthday princess is now practicing looking poised and using big words like “precisely” and “obliged.” She plans on ending the night by doing very beautiful ballet dances in the lobby until Dylan cries and everyone has to go home.