What is GOOD, my bros and hoes! Dude Corner here with a piping-hot take that’s been locked and loaded since Tristan Thompson first cheated on the tall Kardashian. My dudes, we live in a society always trying to slap dumb labels on things like “race” and “class,” when they should be focusing on slapping other things, if you know what I mean. But some labels are actually hella important and we’re not fucking talking about it enough. Like, whose titty do I have to suck for someone to ask me if a hot dog is a sandwich or not (Seriously, whose? Because I’ll do it)? But since it was finally brought up, buckle up, because I’ve got a whole spiel on it and you’re gonna wanna hear it.
Listen. A hot dog is a sandwich. I will not be silenced about it any longer. I know even the great bro in the sky, Anthony Bourdain, once said it wasn’t a sandwich, but sometimes even the GOATs are wrong. It’s bread surrounding some meat and that, by its Merriam-Webster definition, is a sandwich. Yeah, a pretty fucking funny and thought-provoking take, but that’s just the kind of guy I am.
“But Dude Corner, the bread is connected!” – uh, yeah? Since when did you get so narrow-minded in your views of what a sandwich should look like? Seems pretty bigoted to define where a bread should and shouldn’t meet, huh? Take a second to reflect on your prejudiced views. Or freaking debate me if you want to! I’m having so much fun with this line of conversation.
Before you bring this up – I’m not saying all carbs wrapped around some meat are going about saying they’re sandwiches. No, no. Gyros and tacos can stay right in their non-sandwich lane. But I’ve done a lot of thinking about this, mostly in the shower and when I scroll through Twitter and Reddit and see many other people’s big bits on this very same topic but then I still present it all to women I hold conversationally hostage at parties as an original thought. This shit just gets me going!
Aren’t you lucky that I explained it to you all? Now you completely understand that I have the definitive answer on this controversial matter. The next time you see someone asking this question, send them my way. Please. I need to talk about it more. Everyone needs to hear my well-thought out, super original take that proves I’m more than just an insane bod with a communications degree.
Actually, while I have you here, ask me if Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not. Come onnnn, ask me!
