Let’s face it, your B.A. in Comparative Literature has gotten you nothing except a heightened disapproval for the grammatical errors on the menu of the restaurant you’ve been waitressing at for four years. It’s time to turn your diploma into something valuable! First, take it off your wall. It’s making your guests sad. Then, take on any of these projects and shoot for the moon!
You know that over-achieving friend who turns every cocktail napkin into a work of art? Now that you have no other applicable skills to fall back on, turn your diploma into a delicate paper swan that’ll be sure to impress your guests more than your in-depth analysis of the complete works of Jane Austen.
This requires no effort at all. Just turn it over and eat your preservative-rich frozen dinners atop memories of a once-bright future. Laminate it for years and years of functional use.
A cone for melting your earwax
Don’t bother buying one of those safe and over-the-counter ear candles when you can just fold your college diploma into a cone, light a match at the end and watch three months of your own earwax spread across four years of sweat, tears, hangovers and Psych 101 papers.
A tear-off flyer for that band you might finally start
You know that you could’ve been famous by now if your friends just had fewer babies and weddings, and started a band with you instead. Hang your diploma on any bulletin board at the local university and you’ll be one step closer to a touching tale of rags to maybe some cooler rags.
An envelope for your student loan payments
So maybe your parents aren’t impressed with what you’ve done with your diploma, but Sallie Mae definitely will be when she sees this sweet DIY envelope topped with a Forever stamp. If you really want to out-do yourself, fasten it with that equally useless “Magna cum laude” pin that’s been wasting space in your jewelry box.
A fortune teller
Fold up your diploma in this children’s game and ask it questions about your future. Is it too late to go to law school? When does the transition from giving something a “college try” to “giving up” occur?
Now that you’ve found a purpose for your degree, you can move onto your gradation attire. Just ignore how weird it is that they only gave you one tassel when you have two nipples to decorate for your future as a stripper with a heart of debt.