Want to get crafty? Don’t get intimidated by what’s out there. You can make all those cute things you see on Pinterest because even my dumbass teenage son can do it, and he basically can’t even spell his own name. Here are some clever projects to try on your own:
Mason Jar Candle
When my idiot of a son showed me that he put a tea light candle in a mason jar, I was shocked he figured out how to do something that isn’t a misdemeanor. He even tied a ribbon around it, for Christ’s sake. Yeah, he was the one who burned down the Dairy Barn last year, but he put a freaking candle in a mason jar this year and didn’t steal my craft spray paint to “decorate” our garage for once. You can do this craft. Even if you once smoked so much weed that you tried to get into our next-door neighbor Sue’s house at 4 AM thinking it was your own. I still wonder how he came from my womb.
My shithead son got kicked out of driver’s ed for parking a car on top of another car, but he made this bookshelf out of my bureau drawers so you can do it, too. I have to drive him everywhere for the rest of his life and buy myself a new bureau, but hey, he has a fucking bookshelf made of drawers. So don’t tell me you can’t make this happen.
My dumbass son can hardly complete a sentence in English, which is the only language he speaks, but he slathered chalkboard paint onto a headboard for this handsome looking piece of furniture. It looks nice despite the little effort my stupid son put into it, so imagine if you, who probably didn’t flunk 8th grade, tried it. Honestly, this is barely a craft. Just believe in yourself half as much as a kid who tried to grow weed in his closet.
Wine Cork Picture Frame
This is a classy craft for anyone who loves wine or for my witless son who breaks bottles of red wine to stain the driveway so it “looks like someone died to death here” and then tries to make up for it by gluing the corks to a basic picture frame. He really spruced up that frame and made it interesting. He also drew a chalk outline of his idiot best friend’s body on the driveway and made my neighbors believe there really was a murder here. Now everyone calls us the “murder house” and I’ve been questioned by the police so I think you’re capable of making this frame.
He also put a picture of his father kissing a goat in the frame. My dumbass son is good at Photoshop, too, so that really can’t be too hard.