Disney to Remove Racist Characters from Splash Mountain, While Keeping Racist Characters in Hall of Presidents

Disney is reimagining its Splash Mountain attraction, dropping its depiction of stereotypical black servants in the post-Civil War era in favor of a celebration of the 2009 film, The Princess and the Frog. However, Disney has chosen to keep all racist characters in another of its attractions – the Hall of Presidents.


“While it’s important to stop romanticizing the Jim Crow era, it’s still important to venerate our most racist presidents – even the really murderous ones,” said a Disney representative. “That’s just the magic of Disney.”


For now, the corporation will keep its display of some of the world’s most powerful known racists, including but not limited to Andrew Jackson, Andrew Johnson, Monroe, Jefferson, Reagan, Coolidge, Wilson, Polk, Eisenhower, both Bushes, and Abraham Lincoln.



The show culminates with one of the most vocal racists of all, Donald Trump, saying some hypocritical self-congratulatory nonsense about “we the people.”


“Couldn’t they just tear down the whole building and give me something where I get to ride a raft with Moana?” asks Shelby Iverson, age 9. “Or maybe Moana can be all the presidents?”


At press time, Disney did not have a response to Shelby’s fucking awesome idea.