In a disastrous event unfolding at this social gathering, you now must try your best to hum the melody of a song you don’t fully remember in a close enough key for your friend to recognize it.
Sources report the incident began when a song popped into your head, and you stupidly asked your friend “remember that one song by Destiny’s Child?” and she didn’t because she’s white, so now you have to hit five key changes so the rest of your friends can play human Shazam.
“It all happened so quickly,” you say. “One moment you were thinking about how great it is that the gang’s back together after so many months apart and now I have four sets of eyes staring daggers into me like I’m on America’s Got Talent.”
Worse still, you don’t remember the actual lyrics of the song so you can’t just search it up on Google.
“Just sing it,” key witnesses report your friends saying, “We won’t judge you. We promise!”
Tragically, your friends are liars and won’t ever let you live it down if your voice so much as cracks.
“I had also just had a cup of iced coffee and Dr. Oz said that really affects your vocal cords in that one episode,” you say. “But they were persistent. I thought: What would Beyoncé do?”
“I finally caved and hummed a bit of the melody and was met with confused looks and a chorus of ‘what?’” you add.
Deeply humiliating.
“My friend Vivian finally got that it was ‘Bills, Bills, Bills’,” you say. “But then out of nowhere, my friend Mina was like, ‘That’s not what the song sounded like at all,’ which is actually so crazy because she’s not even that close of a friend to be that critical of me, and now that I think about it, she’s really just an acquaintance who Vivian keeps inviting to things even though I keep telling her not to. Who does she think is? Whitney Houston?”
At press time, you were bringing up her recent heart-wrenching breakup because if you’re uncomfortable, now everyone else has to be, too.
Tragic!
