Friend Who Doesn’t Believe in New Year’s Resolutions Should

In an alarming story out of Brooklyn, NY, your friend, 24-year-old Beverly Peters, doesn’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, even though she definitely should.


“I just don’t get the hype around New Year’s resolutions,” Beverly said. “Like, I believe that if you really want to change yourself, you should just do it. Not because it’s a new year. That just sounds so dumb.”


However, despite her distaste for the holiday tradition, you and all your mutual friends agree that this January might be a good place to start since Beverly has gotten drunk and started fights with strangers every weekend for the past three months.


“I told her that my resolution was to stop accepting drugs from strangers,” another one of Beverly’s friends, Alika Smith, told us. “Not because I struggle with that, but because I thought maybe she’d follow my lead and resolve to stop doing it, too.”


Despite the peer pressure from her friends, witnesses report that Beverly still doesn’t think she needs to change in any way whatsoever.


“Sure, I might need to reign in my behavior a little bit,” she said. “But making resolutions isn’t going to help me do that. I mean, why would it? It’s just a new calendar year. It’s not going to change my life or anything.”


While a New Year’s resolution may not “change her life,” Beverly’s friends believe that maybe it could help her stop leaving her phone, wallet, and keys at different apartments and bars every time she goes out.



“I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions either,” your mutual friend, Meg Rodriguez, told us. “But I told Beverly that it’s a really good idea. I mean, if anyone needs one, it’s definitely her. I’m genuinely worried about her.”


At press time, Beverly actually did end up making a New Year’s resolution.


“After thinking about it for a while, I finally know what my goal is for this year,” she told us. “I just wanna have fun!”