The latest trend hitting manicured fingers is the midi ring. Sweet and frail-looking, these precarious little halos sit at the top of your finger and are the perfect way to tell the world you’re just a PYT yearning to be split in two by a monster dong. Here are our fave picks this season:
Hammered 14k Gold Mini Ring (Nordstrom, $195)
A true classic, this ring makes your fingers look like they’ve been delicately kissed by pure gold, and that your vagina needs to be railed until you have to ice it with a frozen bag of peas. This jewelry staple shows what a dainty beauty you truly are, and how desperately you need a fatty ass sausage to fill you up to the gills.
Famous Letter Ring by Bittersweets NY (Catbird, $144)
This ring can be personalized, but we love the “cake” version pictured here! Adorably irreverent, this is the ideal choice for those Pinterest-loving DIY types who want to suffocate a man by sitting on his face before getting destroyed by his dick. Slip on your cake ring, and soon you’ll be serving up cootchie pie.
Jai Single Diamond Ring (Sucre, $92)
Both beautiful and feminine, this elegant ring has a diamond as teensy and sparkly as your vagina before it gets straight up ravaged. Perfect for a deep-dicking before you hit that Tory Burch sample sale, this ring will attract the ultimate prince charming who can truly obliterate your snatch. Swoon!
Tiny Kitten Ring (Catbird, $98)
This ring’s charming kitten silhouette says it all. Slip this precious little pussy on your digit and your latest Tinder fiasco will know you’re ready to play the feral feline and fill your apartment building with long monotone wails as his barbed penis lodges inside of you until completion, just as nature intended. You want to be split in two! Purrrr.
Mies Knuckle Ring by Elizabeth and James (Saks Fifth Avenue, $125)
First knuckle rings date back to the Renaissance era, and this tongue-in-cheek version hints at the iron maiden beneath your frock. Perfect for the girl who wants a dirty blacksmith to hammer her harder than a steel breast plate designed for battle, this ring is a visual metaphor that says a mouthful. Good thing, since you won’t be able to say anything when your boo straps a ball gag to your head and nails you like you’re Martin Luther’s 95 Theses. Throwback!
And there you have it. These beautiful, barely-there rings will show just how thirsty you are for some decent poundage this summer!
