In an adorable story that highlights the triumph of love over all kinds of adversity, your loose acquaintances Jason Hedland and Amani Price just announced their three-year dating anniversary with an Instagram post that lists all the times they definitely should have broken up.
“Year three with this piece of shit, or as I call him, Jay-Jay,” Amani’s post began, immediately striking a tone that was at best confusing and at worst scary. “When Jay-Jay and I met, he made it really clear he didn’t find my ‘dumpy ass’ attractive, and that’s where our love began.”
Yikes!
Sources confirm this would have been reason enough not to start dating in the first place, but the post only got worse from there.
“If we had broken up the first time you called my sister ‘hotter than me,’ well, I would have missed all of our beautiful moments,” she continued. Amani then listed a few of the aforementioned “beautiful moments,” which honestly seemed lukewarm at best.
“We scream and we fight, and we throw things, but that’s what makes our love so great,” she wrote, seemingly misunderstanding “love” as a concept. “Your passion is as infectious as the RSV you gave to me even though you knew you had it and just wanted me to suffer, too.”
Sounds pretty awful!
The post then went on to reference Jason’s several vehicular manslaughter charges as “bumps on the journey that only made us stronger.”
“People said we should have broken up after you cheated on me for the third time,” she continued. “Or after it became clear all the years together were only making us interpersonally worse.”
The post then ended unceremoniously without refuting either of these claims.
While it remains unclear whether the couple intended to make their closest friends and family fear for their health and safety, that’s certainly the effect that it had.
“Should we do something?” your other college friend, Ty Madison, asked. “She just looks so happy in the photos, but the caption is making me think they need to be separated.”
Still, people closer to the couple than you commented “Goals!” and “OMG! Only couple that matters <3.”
Sources confirm this is not the first time Jason and Amani’s anniversary posts have basically just convinced their friends that they should break up.
“Last year, he posted that he wished she had left him over and over again,” Ty continued. “And that he was basically acting out with the hopes that eventually she would.”
In his current anniversary post, Jason announced the two had finally gotten engaged.
Oh! Okay, sure!
