When you’re out with friends and realized that you’ve overshared and need to quickly retreat into your clothing, nothing compares to the simple elegance of a turtleneck. Retreat from any uncomfortable situation you’ve created by retracting your head into any one of these safe, enveloping turtlenecks.
Knit Mohair Oversized Fluffy Turtleneck
This super-soft, fluffy fabric will instantly become a favorite for when you reveal too much about yourself and need to retreat immediately. This oversized pullover works great when you maybe go a little too deep into your pregnancy scare with your hairstylist, followed by a long period of awkward silence as she cuts your bangs. Pull your head into this turtleneck until you can be trusted to speak again.
Cashmere Turtleneck
A cashmere turtleneck is a timeless classic to hide in when you break down your family’s dysfunction, in detail, on a first date. Why did you do that? You could’ve just had a nice, normal conversation about your upcoming travel plans to Nantucket. Thankfully you wore a fine cashmere turtleneck and can return to your warm sweater shell. When your future mother-in-law asks, “Why are you hiding your head in your shirt?” You can remind her that you as long as your head is in this shirt that you aren’t technically here.
Sleeveless Turtleneck
Sleeveless turtlenecks are perfect for when it gets a little warmer outside, and you just told a coworker you hate your job and wish you could date somebody more like him. What kind of attempt at water cooler talk was that? Thankfully, this sweater will leave your arms free to do your job while your entire head withdraws into your turtleneck – a safe, cozy space where you can never fuck yourself with your own words ever again.
Semi-Sheer Turtleneck
A sexy, semi-sheer top adds a hint of allure to your look, which is great, because your dumb-dumb mouth just started screaming, “I’M A FRAUD” to a stranger on a moving train. Abandon ship! Recede into your sweater! You’re a headless woman on a train now!!
Floral Knit Turtleneck
Florals can give your outfit some serious personality, which is great, because you’ll need to hide your real one under this turtleneck when you shared that super detailed sex story with your friend from high school that you haven’t seen in 10 years. Whoa, Gina had no idea you had syphilis twice! Now you can be very cool and chill inside this turtleneck, where other humans can’t see you, especially Gina.
Turtlenecks aren’t just the scratchy, frumpy sweaters you used to wear in middle school! They’re also comfy essentials you can hide your head in once you’ve said far, far too much about yourself.
