In a developing story out of Queens, NY, 29-year-old Violet Johnson makes a concerted effort to connect with nature every morning by taking her dog on a walk to pee in the small square of dirt next to the sidewalk.
“Being in nature is healing for the soul,” Violet told reporters as her dog took a massive dump on the sidewalk next to her, missing the square of dirt entirely. “Not to mention how healing it has been for my mental health.”
“She thinks those walks have been healing for her mental health?” Violet’s best friend, Andrea, asked reporters when they reached out to her for a statement. “She paces around the apartment like a caged tiger whenever she’s not out on a walk, plus I hear her crying at night. I don’t know…I just feel like she could do more. Like maybe walk her dog to a park or something?”
“There have actually been studies done that show being in nature significantly reduces stress, improves mood, and boosts creativity,” Violet added, disregarding her friend’s statements as she pulled out a plastic bag and began picking up her dog’s poop.
Violet told reporters that living in a city can make it hard to connect with nature, but she makes it a priority to find little ways to do so each day.
“Taking my dog on a walk to poop and smell garbage, admiring the mural of a forest on the side of the Rite Aid across the street from my apartment, getting shit on by a pigeon as I’m walking to the subway –– these are all little ways I connect with nature each day, and my mental health is all the better for it.”
Violet continued, adding, “I saw another study that said simply being exposed to trees and greenery has the power to significantly lower cortisol levels.”
However, when reporters asked if that study was including exposure to murals of trees and greenery, Violet wasn’t sure.
Additionally, sources close to Violet have expressed concern that she’s not actually getting as much exposure to nature as she should be.
“I know she likes taking her dog on those walks, and that’s great,” Violet’s roommate, Malika, told reporters. “But I don’t know if seeing three trees and two small patches of dirt is actually doing as much for her
As of press time, Violet had taken her friends’ advice and walked her dog the extra two miles to get to the shitty little park underneath the bridge. Upon arrival, she claimed she had “never seen such a grand display of the Earth’s natural beauty” in all her time on this planet, with reporters noting that she had visible tears in her eyes.
