Child Labor? Boss Asking You to Do Work Even Though You’re Only 26

In a concerning story that deserves international condemnation, your boss is asking you to complete a task in your job description even though you’re literally only 26 years old.


Someone call the labor people!


“I’d heard of this sort of thing happening in the early 1900s,” you say while taking deep breaths into a paper bag. “But I thought we’d moved past this. I should be in school! I should be at recess with the other kids!”


Sources confirm that you were talking about a typical, barely-strenuous task that should only take 15 minutes to complete.



“Is this even legal? According to the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938, no!” you say, showcasing a surprisingly in-depth knowledge of 20th century labor laws considering how little you know about your actual job.


Reporters at the scene claim the situation became so stressful you had to retire to the Rainbow Reading Rug.


“She does this all the time,” said your coworker, Brenda, unfazed. “One time I asked her to fix a jammed printer and she said, ‘But I’m baby,’ then pulled out a cot and went under her desk for ‘nap time’.”


It is unclear where exactly you managed to buy a cot. Sources can confirm, however, that you are off of your parents health insurance.


You then appealed to the international community, calling for a boycott of American goods and services until the issue – you having to write a marketing pitch deck – was rectified.


“Making a child this young do back-breaking labor is, frankly, disgusting,” said António Guterres, Secretary-General of the United Nations. “And it is our responsibility as – wait. This girl is 26? And in sales? LMAO.”


At press time, you tried to convince your coworkers to strike on your behalf, which failed because you have an incredible salary and your workplace is already unionized (but you thought that meant “married”).