Many pet owners worry about whether their furry friends can contract the novel coronavirus. Could, for instance, a pet weasel named Carlotta fall victim to or even just carry this deadly illness? Well, while some may turn to a Google search or medical-field-friend to assuage their fears, for others, the situation is a bit more complicated.
Meet Randa Slarts, my arch-nemesis, and the woman making sure my pet weasel not only can get covid but absolutely does.
“If I have anything to say about it, your nasty little weasel Carlotta will be sick, sick, sick, with COVID-19 by the end of the week,” says the wicked and determined Slarts. “I’ll never reveal my motivation for this sinister task.”
You heard the woman!
The main things I have learned about Slarts is that she studied sociology at the University of Connecticut, wants to infect my weasel with covid, and is very private about her personal life.
“I’m not telling you anything,” says Slarts. “But when I make sure weasels are susceptible to covid, then find a way to harness covid and give it specifically to your weasel, Carlotta, you’ll know: Slarts was behind this.”
Yikes! If my weasel Carlotta gets covid, that will sure have ‘Slarts’ written all over it!
“Once I do somehow give Carlotta covid, I’ll also have to figure out how to test a weasel for covid so that you’ll know about it, particularly if she’s asymptomatic,” Slarts continues. “I have all these bad ideas in my head because we’re enemies, but as I said before, I will not get any more specific than that.”
Ugh. Having Slarts as my archnemesis sucks.
But the question remains: Can weasels contract coronavirus in the first place? It seems this inquiry is irrelevant to Slarts.
“Where there’s a Slarts, there’s a way,” she says, horribly. “Say goodbye to your weasel not having covid. But there’s no need to say goodbye to your weasel; they are very resilient.”
Finally some good news, and from Slarts of all places! Still, we wish her utter and complete failure.