Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you cuz it just seems like, you know, something is going on with us, but we haven’t really talked it over, and you know it probably wasn’t the right time before because we’re both so swamped, but anyways, we’ve been hanging out for a little while, and I just wanted to say some things. Please circle one:
So, I really like you.
- I like you too.
- You’re hot.
- (a silent, open, honest gaze)
It’s just, I feel like things have been going really well… don’t you?
- Totally, I love where things are right now.
- The Hawks just scored! Fuck yeah!!! Wait, what did you say?
- I love you forever. I’ve always loved you, just like in The Notebook.
Are you seeing anyone else?
- Do you really want to have this conversation?
- I’m not seeing anyone right now.
- I can’t see because I’m made of cardboard.
Why are you still on Tinder?
- Oh, that? It’s just a joke account.
- I told you I didn’t want anything serious.
- I’m not on Tinder. I’m an inanimate object.
If you’re a bird, I’m a bird!
- Whatever you say.
- Look, I have to get up early for work in the morning…
- I wrote you a letter everyday for a year!
(Drunk crying at a bar)
- Are you crying right now?
- Whoa, fuck that. Bye.
- (a silent, open, honest gaze)
Mostly A’s: Listen babe, our love is too great for labels. I’m like totally into you, but also I love playing mind games. Also I might be hooking up with your friend Jennifer, but what you and I have is still totally real.
Mostly B’s: Wait, who said anything about us dating? We are not dating. Stop telling people we are dating. You’re a crazy psycho bitch. Hey, what are you doing later? Can I come over?
Mostly C’s: I am a cardboard cutout of Ryan Gosling. I am perfect.
