So your last bra is on its last legs. Between the exposed underwire poking into your skin and the worthlessly stretched-out straps, you’re desperate for a new one. Since the average quality bra in your size costs about $65, you’re going to have to quickly curb some of your more indulgent habits in order to afford one. Read on for some simple budget hacks to keep your mamms in place!
Stop Buying Socks
No one cares about your feet! Would you rather have someone distracted by your weird sagging monoboob or by your weirdly sockless feet in gym shoes? About three years of socks savings should buy you one year with one solid bra.
You’ve heard of Meatless Mondays, right? Well get ready for another fun meal challenge: Foodless Fridays! What a great way to lose weight while saving money for a new bra. If you endure a couple of months of rage-inducing, ravenous Fridays, you might be able to get a decent bra before your cousin’s wedding next summer. Just be careful cause you will have probably changed a cup size by then.
Stop Buying Coffees or Tampons
Cutting out that morning Starbucks can really add up in your budget. Also, do you really need tampons? You could get by without them by balling up toilet paper and suffering a few leaks here and there. Also, you’ll probably wanna start stealing toilet paper. New bra, here you come!
Contribute Less to Your Retirement Fund
At least 10% of your income? Now? Your breasts are going to be down to your knees come retirement if you’re not careful. Your future self will want your present self to make this investment, even if it means dying in poverty. At least in old age when prices are vastly inflated, the cost of this bra will seem somewhat more reasonable.
Pray That Ellen Intervenes
If you’ve done all the above and are still somehow short, maybe you need a new angle. Make a video begging Ellen to help you “figure out this whole bra thing” and hope it goes viral! If you get enough internet momentum behind your need for a new bra, there is always a chance that Ellen will get wind of it and help a sister out. You could inspire millions of women with your story! Just be sure to borrow your adorable niece for the video.
We hope this list inspires you. These basic strategies are based on the need to purchase one new bra, so if you need more than that, adjust accordingly—just like a bra! Happy tatas!