Being single in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Kelsey Winkle was beginning to miss the touch of a man, but soon found the perfect substitute in quarantine: an old vibrator she hadn’t used in years after it fell out of a moving box from her trunk and got run over by her ’96 Dodge Durango. According to Winkle, the broken vibrator was able to perfectly simulate a man doing his best.
“It’s crazy how similar the experiences are,” Winkle said. “The vibrator reminds me so much of most men I’ve ever slept with: The way it seems to be about to give up at any moment. The way I either don’t cum or barely cum at all. It’s just like a man trying his best and just kind of sucking at it.”
“Every ten minutes or so it just putters out, and then kind of tries again but with diminishing returns each time,” she added. “It seems to only have energy for itself to be turned on, and honestly even then, not really.”
Winkle went on to describe the familiar inadequacy of her barely functioning vibrator.
“It doesn’t ask for guidance or attempt to improve at all, but it always makes an audible show of how hard it’s working. I guess I really missed that.”
“Of course there were the more obvious comparisons in the beginning like its complete lack of enthusiasm and its refusal to participate at all if it was over 80 degrees outside. But sometimes we do end up falling asleep together, and it’s always cold toward me in the mornings. But if I’m being honest? I really don’t hate that it doesn’t speak. It kind of reminds me of my ex.”
