For years now, you’ve been trying to get Jackson to notice that you’re a woman with a pulse. Why not get involved in one of his hobbies, like hiking, to make him finally notice you as more than just a friend—as a woman with a womanly body and a womanly leg that he could just gently touch with his man-hands if you were, for example, fully injured.
The Lost Coast, Sinkyone Wilderness, California
Just off of the Pacific Coast Highway, you won’t be able to take your eyes off this picturesque ocean front trail’s magnificent panorama. Just like Jackson won’t be able to take his hands off your ankle after you pretend to sprain it like the heroine of an 18th century gothic novel! You know there’s no injury, but Jackson doesn’t! Will he gently touch your ankle and ask, “does it hurt when I do this?” You bet! That’s the beauty of this plan!
Kalaulau Trail, Kauai, Hawaii
The majestic waterfall in this tropical paradise will make you feel like you’ve disappeared from civilization altogether! Plus you can say the waterfall’s spray caused you to slip and you need Jackson to examine your calf to see if there’s a bruise forming. Then maybe some sexual tension between you and Jackson will form in real life and instead of in just your head! After all, you’ve traveled over ten hours and spent thousands of dollars to be in Hawaii with your “friend” so you might as well get some sweet sweet leg action!
Old Rag Mountain, Shenandoah National Park, Virginia
Let the classic views of the Shenandoah mountains be your backdrop for the moment you trick Jackson into touching your physical body for the first time. Okay, so maybe you’ve been friends for five years and he always says you’re “like a sister to him.” But one time he flicked a bug off your leg and you could have sworn his fingers lingered for a second too long. Maybe on Old Rag he’ll finally feel all of those feelings that you feel when he feels your leg? Nothing else has worked so far and you’ve got to move out of the friend zone somehow!
Angels Landing, Zion National Park, Utah
The narrow paths on this high up hike will get your heart racing—and it won’t be just at the thought of finally feeling Jackson’s hands on you for the first time ever! After you’ve pretended you cut yourself on this early-morning hike, make him pull up your Lululemon workout pants to get a better look at your supple skin. “I don’t see a wound are you sure you cut yourself,” he might say. Why won’t he take you seriously as a viable romantic interest?! You’re a woman. You have needs, goddamn it!
Rim-to-Rim, Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona
This rocky trail is perfect for pretending that you tripped and fell on one of the park’s many boulders. Make him carry you back down the rugged terrain and maybe your body pressed against his chest will finally awaken something inside the man who once said “you smell like my grandma.” And if that doesn’t get his attention, maybe pretend-threatening to throw yourself into the Grand Canyon will? Why does he seem disinterested all the time? Why, Jackson, why?
Remember to prepare for your hike by wearing sunscreen, packing extra water, and shaving your legs!
