BREAKING: Stranger Petting Your Dog Wrong

small dog sitting on picnic blanket

In a harrowing story out of Philadelphia, the stranger to whom you granted permission to pet your dog is doing it completely wrong.


“I don’t know what this guy is doing,” you shared with reporters on the scene. “You’re supposed to scratch behind each of the ears individually, and then rub the back, and then drag your hand along the tail. That’s the right way to pet him.”


Sources have advised that this random dude who you mistakenly thought was normal and okay to pet your sweet dog, Toby, is not doing anything like that.


“This person is like, rubbing both sides with his hands at the same time?” you said. “Then petting the cheek and dragging the hand around his ears? I don’t think this person has ever touched a dog before. It’s a mess.”


It’s an unsettling story which apparently could happen to anyone once they realize how differently people pet their dogs.


“It seems like Toby is enjoying it. Like, no differently than the correct pets.” After a pause you shook your head and added, “But that just can’t be right.”


You’ve watched little kids pet your dog before, and they would just kinda gently touch the top of your dog’s head.  Which of course, is also wrong, but you were okay with it because they’re kids and don’t know how to pet dogs yet.


“Those weak toddler pets, yeah.  I always thought Toby pretended like he enjoyed those just to be nice to the kids who could become afraid of dogs if he growled at their lame pets. Like, I just thought he was being polite.”



The story continued to unfold live at the park near your home when the stranger started calling your dog “a little cutie patootie”, which is also inaccurate.


“Toby isn’t called that,” you explained. “I call him ‘the Tobester’ or ‘Surgeon General Tobe’ or ‘Wobies Angels’ and then he rolls over and I rub his belly three times. That’s just how you’re supposed to interact with him. It’s a fact.”


Eyewitnesses to the event described the dog as “a happy dog that probably would act the same no matter how someone pets him.”


Unless you rub his fur backwards. Obviously.