In breaking news, 31-year-old Laurie Vonnaghan announced to her friends that she is pregnant, despite the fact that she is not showing and has actually zero fat on her small body.
The skinny bitch is pregnant. Wow. Good for her.
“I’m three months along and so excited to deliver this bundle of joy,” said the bitch in question, stroking her flat stomach with her toned arm.
“Wait so that bitch is going to just be pregnant for six more months with no change to her body besides her stomach?” says Audrey Birmen. “Honestly, cool. I’m happy for her. That’s fine. I love it.”
“I had my baby three years ago and I’m still trying to work off the 50 pounds I gained,” says Rebecca Pollick. “But she’s gonna slide a tiny baby out of her miniscule pussy? Great! That’s terrific news. You know what, I’m happy for her.”
Despite the correct opinions of Laurie’s friends, the mama-to-be is thrilled.
“So far the pregnancy isn’t so bad,” says the domestic terrorist, Laurie. “I don’t mind if I blow up like a whale. Anything for this little guy.”
Sources confirm that fucking bitch is absolutely not going to ‘blow up like a whale’ and will remain unbelievably thin throughout her whole dumb pregnancy despite everyone’s ill wishes.
“You? Pregnant?” said the barista working at Laurie’s favorite coffee shop. “I don’t believe you. You look terrific!”
“This always happens,” Laurie with the fucking bitch face and tiny fucking waist explains. “People never believe me. But I am. I am pregnant, okay!”
Good, Laurie. Good for fucking you, honestly. The world is so glad your skinny ass is pregnant. Your friends simply can’t wait for you to bring yet another skinny bitch into this world!
Fucking perfect.
