Less Attractive Boyfriend Assumed to Have Good Penis

Stereotypes play an unfortunate role in determining how people are perceived by society, and 29-year-old Theo Cahill is no exception: Cahill has been dating Charlotte Allen for four years, and as the significantly less attractive member of the relationship, he is undeservingly assumed by onlookers to have a very good, large penis.


These assumptions, which remain baseless, are found among many people who know Cahill and Allen.


“Theo and Charlotte’s relationship is a bit of a mystery to me,” said a mutual friend, Christa Torres. “There are tons of reasons to be with someone less attractive than you, but Theo is kind of boring, so I’ve always just assumed the dick was bomb.”


When questioned, Cahill provided his own insight on the situation.


“It’s strange, when people find out I’m dating Charlotte, they’ll ask me, ‘Are you funny? Are you the heir to a fortune? Are you in a band?’ and when I say no they just look me up and down then start nodding, or say, ‘Oh, I see.’”


Despite full knowledge that his silence on the subject only reinforces the fallacious conclusion that his penis is the fucking best, Cahill has done nothing to correct this widespread misconception.



“I always figured Theo just had an eight-inch penis and knew how to use it,” said Charlotte’s friend, Mandy Burns. “But when I asked Charlotte for details, she wouldn’t budge. Finally she said, ‘I don’t know, it’s just, like, normal,’ and that’s when I knew I’d gotten it all wrong.”


Having discovered the truth, Burns is now adamant about bringing down the unearned assumption of Cahill’s magnificent penis.


“The world should know,” Burns said. “It’s not right that he gets to date Charlotte who is already out of his league, then also benefit from the illusion of a sick peen. I won’t stand for it.”


In the meantime, Cahill continues to benefit from his holy grail dick as it exists in the public imagination.


“Everyone seems to think I have an incredible penis,” Cahill said. “Honestly, I probably do!”