Buy yourself flowers? That’s been done like a million times. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful? Please, it’s not 2003. Get therapy? Maybe, if you were a basic bitch. You want good self-esteem, but so many of the ways of boosting it are so fucking cliché. So use our fun tools to boost your crappy sense of self without being so dumb about it.
Get a haircut that not everyone has.
Get a haircut that not everyone in the fucking universe has already. Lots of people have almost the exact same one – and there’s your problem. If you have the same haircut as everyone else, it makes it that much easy for people to compare you to other hotter and more interesting people. So go on, do something to your hair that isn’t like, another fucking bob. Then you’ll finally be able to pick yourself out of a crowd at the farmer’s market.
Get a boyfriend who’s nobody’s sloppy seconds.
Sure, they broke up three years ago, but think about how good you’d feel if you were dating somebody who hasn’t been inside anyone you’ve already watched The Bachelor with. Part of the reason you feel bad about yourself might be because you scooped up your good friend’s leftovers rather than doing the legwork to find a fresh man. Seriously, do you ever even attempt to break the mold?
Become an effortless fashion icon.
Sure, you look OKAY, in the sense that your clothes are not stained or ripped, but at some point could you consider buying something that’s not from the Gap? Their clothes are serviceable, but if you decided to put in just a teeny tiny bit of effort, you could look like you weren’t manufactured in a Malaysian factory. Looking like you are aware of your clothing will definitely make you feel way better about yourself.
Read a grown-up book.
YA lit is fun to read and all, but wouldn’t you feel better feel about yourself if you read a book that doesn’t have any pictures in it? After all, you have a college degree and are supposed to be literate. Finishing a big-girl book will make your self-esteem big, too. And don’t just pick an Oprah book, because that is also a cliché.
Get a job that a monkey couldn’t do.
It’s cool how you like to go with the flow, but don’t you think you’d feel better about yourself if you challenged yourself professionally in a way that didn’t involve being a “social media manager”? Not too much, just like, beyond the capabilities of a college-educated rhesus monkey? They are able to sort clothing by size and color, make change, and even calm down unhappy Twitter users sometimes. Doing a human job might make you feel like a human, which will HAVE to make you feel better about yourself.
Start with these ways of boosting your self-esteem, and if you can think of any of your own, do them, too. Just think them up yourself and don’t copy anyone else like you always do.
