In the spirit of Pride month, 24-year-old Louise Wilson, a bi woman with a straight cisgender boyfriend, is celebrating her queerness by having a full-blown identity crisis.
“I don’t know who I am or how I am supposed to exist in this world,” said Wilson, unprompted. “Being in a ‘straight’ relationship, I feel like I’m not queer enough for queer spaces, but in straight spaces I either feel like an outsider or like a vital part of my identity is being erased.”
“Does anyone even remember that I’m bi?!” asked Wilson. “Am I supposed to remind them or something?”
“I definitely remember that she’s bi,” said another queer friend, Angela Leblanc. “She makes it clear vocally, also with her cuffed pants. Plus it’s just part of who she is and I never saw her relationship as threatening that.”
Despite reassuring words from friends, Wilson remains in a state of inner turmoil.
“Everywhere I look are reminders of my gay treachery,” said Wilson. “God, I can’t wait till this month is over.”
But for Wilson, surviving Pride is only the beginning of her troubles.
“This whole experience has really distilled my greatest insecurities that are sure to last the duration of my relationship,” said Wilson. “And to make matters worse, I really love my boyfriend. Oh no, what if we get married? The world will never know how gay I am. This is horrible.”
While Wilson takes time to process her existential dread, she is avoiding all manner of Pride-related events.
“I’m not trying to invalidate her feelings,” said Leblanc. “I know that biphobia and erasure are very real both in and outside the queer community, but it also makes me sad to see Louise excluding herself like this. If she’s feeling alienated from her queerness, then spending some time celebrating and recognizing it might help ease that.”
Wilson, however, is unconvinced.
“When it comes to other bi and pan people,” Wilson said. “I support them completely, and I would never suggest that being in a straight or straight passing relationship infringed upon their identity. But with me it’s just different.”
“Maybe I’ll go to Pride next year if I’m in a relationship that looks a bit gayer,” Wilson added optimistically. “Not that I think my boyfriend and I are going to break up, but, you know, if he dies or something.”
