Aww! This Couple Does Everything Together Besides Cum

Tom Stanhope and Felisha Murphy have been happily married for three years, and the two are inseparable. According to close friends, they do everything together: shop, cook, shower – you name it! Well, except cum.


Tom and Felicia met in high school and share lots of the same friends and activities as a result, which helps bolster their intimate connection. Their mutual friend Karen, who gave a speech at their wedding, cited Tom and Felicia’s shared values as a reason why their marriage is so indestructible. And sure enough, years later, their bond displays total equanimity – yet they still manage to only cum at separate times and in separate rooms.


The married couple—self-proclaimed “best friends”—are known for doing everything together, from playing in the same co-rec softball league to working together on DIY home improvement projects, and their image makes quite the splash around town. “They’re definitely peas in a pod,” explains their neighbor Travis Jameson, who clearly doesn’t know about the couple’s uniquely disparate cum schedules.


“I love sharing a life with Tom,” says Felicia, whose values align super well – but not perfectly when it comes to actually having orgasms during sex – with those of her husband. “We see eye to eye on all things,” she explains. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world, because he’s my partner in crime across the board.”


When pressed to elaborate on how that applied to things in the bedroom, Felicia went silent.


Tom and Felicia already share their Gcals with one another, but when it was brought to their attention by a therapist that their lack of cumming together might be a less than optimal condition for their relationship, the two created a recurring weekly event on their calendar, titled “Good Sex.”



So far, the experiment has been met with less than satisfactory results. “I think overall our relationship is really solid,” Tom explains. “Felicia and I still do all the important things together, like go to parties and watch TV.”


Aww, talk about a power couple!