People are busier than ever these days, and it can be hard to wrangle even the closest-knit gaggle of gal pals. But all that changed Saturday, when Jenny O’Neale, known by loose acquaintances as “the hot one” in her friend group, texted the group chat that she was about to get bangs.
“I literally ran half a mile to the hair salon,” explained Kate (the outgoing one). “We’re super tight, so we’re permanently sharing locations with each other. I’m just glad I made it in time. What the fuck was Jenny thinking? She’s 28, not in eighth grade!”
“I dropped everything and started making a collage of #bangfails,” said Melanie (the spiritual one). “I just felt this higher calling and suddenly knew that if there was one thing I was put on this Earth to do, it was to stop Jenny from getting bangs.”
Witnesses to Jenny’s friends’ modern-day crusade described the event as “heroic” and “inspirational.”
“It is absolutely incredible what women can do when they work together,” remarked Lucas, whose opinion we actually never asked.
What could have led a girl as hot as Jenny to even contemplate such an unthinkable style choice? Her friends have a few theories.
“This must have been a cry for help,” said Amanda (the responsible one). “I am genuinely concerned for her mental health. I mean honestly, nobody who knew how hot they are would actually consider desecrating their own face like that, right? We’re gonna need work on some affirmations.”
At the end of the day, however, regardless of Jenny’s motivations, these women say they’re just glad they could help.
“Sometimes you have to put your differences aside and come together for a cause bigger than yourselves,” shared Melanie. “In this case, that was Jenny about to effectively tape a handlebar mustache onto her forehead. I’m just so sick of seeing women tear each other down, and I’m glad to have been part of the movement to combat it.”
So what does Jenny think about all this?
“I wasn’t actually going to get bangs,” Jenny confessed. “Honestly, I just missed my friends. The gang hadn’t seen each other in so long, and I knew that pretending to chop thick, disgusting fringe into my beautiful hair would finally get them all in the same room. Wait, you didn’t think I was really going to do it, did you? I mean, look at me.”
