In heartwarming news coming out of Chicago, IL, best friends Belle Parker and Kilara Ito have made a vow to each other that if they are both happily married at 35 years old, they will sabotage each other’s marriages.
Bestie goals!
“Kilara has been really worried about the prospect of marriage recently,” Belle told reporters. “Mostly, she was concerned that it might happen to her, and even worse, that she could actually enjoy it. I told her that I felt the same exact way, which is why we both agreed we’d never let that happen.”
So sweet!
“I’m so lucky to have a friend like Belle,” Kilara added. “I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone else to save me from a life of being happily married. Even just the thought of it is so terrifying. Thank God I have a friend I can count on to ruin my marriage and send us straight to divorce.”
These two peas in a pod also haven’t stopped at the idea of sabotage — they’ve planned out exactly how they’re going to do it!
“Don’t tell her this, but once Kilara turns 35, I’m going to start telling her that her partner has been secretly flirting with me in my DMs,” Belle told reporters. “Then, I’ll buy a present for myself and tell her that it was from her spouse. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I’m a pretty great friend.”
Kilara has a slightly different plan in mind: “If Belle’s still married by the time she’s 35, I’ll start planting the seed that she’s too good for whoever she’s married to. I’m pretty sure that it’ll only take about six months for her to file for divorce and date a niche microcelebrity she meets on Raya instead.”
Aww! These two really care for one another!
Some of Kilara and Belle’s mutual friends, however, have expressed their confusion about the two best friends’ agreement.
“Isn’t being happily married, like, I don’t know, good?” Jessica Thomas, longtime friend of both Kilara and Belle, told reporters. “I guess I just don’t understand why they’d want each other to ruin each other’s’ unions with another person, even if they’re perfectly content.”
“She’s just jealous,” Kilara said after hearing this response. “Not everyone has someone in their lives that they can rely on like Belle and I do, but I’m sure she’ll understand when she’s 35 and desperately wishes she was traveling the world as a new divorcee. It’s only natural to want a secure future like that.”
