In an unfortunate story out of San Diego, it has been reported that 25-year-old Sandra Wallace’s attempt at intermittent fasting has been derailed by an irritating yet abiding need to stay conscious.
“I thought it would be simple,” said Sandra. “But it turns out I need to eat to stay alive, and my body annoyingly reminds me of that by passing out if I go more than twelve or thirteen hours without eating.”
Sandra, whose metabolic needs are expected for a typical human, went on to express her dismay.
“I was doing a 16 hours fasting and 8 hours not situation, only eating food between 11am and 7pm,” she explained. “But I’d find myself getting woozy on my way to work. The silly need to stay awake was seriously such a pain!”
“The fact that my body can’t just suck it up and go about my day with no nutritional intake without getting all feeble and semi-conscious is pretty weak,” Sandra added.
Friends of Sandra are not surprised.
“Of course it’s not working, your body needs fuel,” said Tracy Nguyen. “Sandra’s always trying these fad diets instead of like, seeing a nutritionist or something.”
“Wait so, you can only eat during an eight hour period per day?” added Carson Melle. “And you have to fast the rest of the time? Isn’t that like, bingeing?”
“Sounds like an eating disorder, not a diet,” she added, correctly.
But Sandra is dismayed nonetheless.
“I guess I’m not strong enough to handle not eating for ⅔ of my day without feeling faint,” said Sandra. “That doesn’t seem fair, but I guess it’s my cross to bear.”
“I’m just one of those basic ass people who needs caloric intake to survive,” she added, forlornly.
