Just because you’re not hitting the bars for happy hour doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy an evening aperitif in the comfort of your own home. And we’ve got some tips to prepare cocktails to drink in your cold dark kitchen alone since your best friend Caroline is with Sam right now. Which is fine, she can hangout with other people, but like why would she want to? Anyway, here are three cocktails for the moment when you finally realize you aren’t your best friend’s best friend.
Combine your vermouth, vodka, and ice into a shaker and really give that bitch a go. The apparatus should quickly become very very cold but not as cold as Caroline when she texted you “Can’t tonight. Hanging with Sam.” Like really? Sam? Pour the mixture into your singular chilled martini glass, then slowly slip your Vodka Martini while looking out a window thinking “I wonder what Sam and Caroline are talking about right now.” Are they talking about you? Or worse, did you not even come up? Fuck. Slowly realize they are very close and have a relationship that exists without you. Finish your Martini.
First prep your glass. Run a lime slice over the rim and then dip the rim in salt. For a time saving tip, line the cup with your tears instead, they are already liquid and already salty. Next juice those limes baby! This can be a tedious and tiring task, but maybe use the inner rage and disappointment of recently finding out you care for someone more than they care for you to really fuel your juicing fire. Finally prepare the drink in your cup. Mix together ice, one shot of liqueur, your lime juice, a jalapeno slice, and two shots of tequila! Remember when you and Caroline did those tequila shots in Cancun? Caroline clearly doesn’t or else she’d be hanging out with you right now. Ah, spicy pain.
Whiskey Straight Up
Pour yourself a shot straight into your last clean cup and boom you’ve made a fancy brown drink to sit and have your deep thoughts over. Whiskey pairs perfectly with cigarettes, jazz, and self doubt. Take a sip and ask yourself if Caroline isn’t the Lily to your Hannah Montana, the Thelma to your Louise, the Grace to your Frankie, then who is? Ask yourself why you even bought those stupid best friend necklaces. Ask yourself, “Wait, is best-friendship a childish and somewhat capitalistic ploy, and you don’t have to rank friends or depend on singular ones to fulfill all your needs?” Before you answer that question, open up Instagram to see Caroline is going to be Sam’s maid of honor for some reason? Now you can drunkenly comment,“fulkd youS guyss”.
Don’t forget after all these drinks to clean up your kitchen, lol just kidding leave it for your roommate, who will take care of it cause she loves you, knows you had a bad day, and values your regular non-best friendship? Haha she’s so weird like that. You should tell your best friend about it, oh – make another drink.