When I, Gloria Rose Larson, rose through the ranks at Gimme Chocolates, Inc., to become our first female CEO, I knew I wanted to give back to the female CEO community by sharing the lessons I’ve learned over the years. People love to ask me “Can you have it all?” I must have been asked that question hundreds of times over the years and my assistant Jemma will be able to handle that and other questions for you directly:
Dear Female CEO,
My closest coworker friend and I are both up for an internal promotion to CFO. I feel guilty about campaigning for the position the way I normally would because she’s been a good friend outside of the office, helping with the legal fees last time I was on trial. How can I get my job and stay true to the one person in the office who doesn’t annoy me?
The Gal Pal Exec
Dear Gal Pal,
The best part about being close to someone at work is that you know all her secrets. Tally up the time she spends eating yogurt at her desk, then tell the decision makers. You can buy some new friends with that sweet new salary. And if you have any more questions for Gloria, please address them to my email, not hers: JemR@gimmechoc.biz
Jemma
Dear Female CEO,
I just replaced a beloved male CEO who was fired for “taking the company in the wrong direction”, but I’m pretty sure he went to Thailand for Memorial Day Weekend on his corporate card. His former staff, who have no idea about his misconduct, have been really cold to me. Any tips on how to gain respect from a new team…without resorting to gossip?
Former Intern
Dear Former Intern,
In my experience, the best way to get a group of people to like you is to make a pot of coffee at 3pm. Also NEVER let the copier jam. More importantly, did it take you long to rise from intern to CEO? If your company does a summer internship program, I’d love to hear about it! Feel free to shoot me a direct response over email (JemR@gimmechoc.biz), and enjoy that corporate card – sounds like a blast!!
Calling works too – my line is Ext. 4381.
Jemma
Dear Female CEO,
HE’S LEAVING HIS WIFE!!!! HE’S LEAVING HIS WIFE! HE’S LEAVING HIS WIIIIIIIFE!
Just Wanted to Tell Someone
Dear Wanted,
Congratulations! Make your promotion announcement before his divorce news goes public. Let me know if you need any help with social media, I tweet sometimes for my boss (@GimmeGloria).
Jemma
Dear Female CEO,
I’ve worked in feminine products since getting my MBA – it was my idea to release a limited edition Princess of Wales Diva Cup. I value my career more than anything, but lately I keep zoning out in board meetings daydreaming about changing diapers. I spent my best, fertile years working my way into the Scented department. Should I quit and open a B&B?
Wants It All of a Sudden
Hey Doesn’t,
My boss asks me to buy tampons for her every month, but she’s never actually used any. Her email signature says, “Mind over matter.” Never forget that – or the fact that I type 100 wpm if you need someone to keep minutes during your board meetings.
Jemma
If you’re a female CEO who wants advice from a fellow female CEO on how to better your job and your life, contact my assistant! She’s incredibly capable at administering my directives!
