You’ve been seeing each other for a while, and it’s going great! You’ve hooked up several times a week for several months; you like him and he likes you back. But you might be starting to wonder: Are you just friends, or are you in a relationship? Here’s how to know if you guys are a “thing,” or just hanging out all of the time in an intimate and emotional friendship with sex:
Last week, you grabbed a quick dinner with him.
Hmm. Tough call! On one hand, having dinner sounds a lot like a date! Maybe you two are in a relationship. On the other hand, haven’t you had dinner with lots of friends? Why would you think this man — who is attracted to you — may want to be more than just friends? It’s weird you think that it’s more than that. He clearly just likes you, wants to eat by you and enjoy your company, then later wants to smash his face into yours. Chill out. Clearly you’re just friends!
When he leaves in the morning, he sighs, “You’re so great.”
Hmm. Tough call! On one hand, he likes you and he’s confident enough with your relationship to tell you so. It’s awesome that he’s complimentary and bold enough to tell you how he feels. You deserve it! On the other hand, he probably says this to his guy friends all the time, and so he probably does just want to be friends. It’s strange you got so worked up over this total friendzone compliment.
After spending a night with you, he says, “Having sex with you is so much fun.”
Hmm. Tough call! On one hand, he loves hooking up with you. This sounds super positive! Maybe you’re dating. On the other hand, hanging out with friends is fun. Duh. So him putting a penis inside you is probably just what friends do, and surely he does that to all of his buddies. Calm down already!!
He’s said things like, “You’d love my mom” and “Whoa, my ex-girlfriend never let me do that” and “[adult male crying noises].”
Hmm. Tough call! On one hand, it sounds like he wants to introduce you to his mom, and he thinks you do certain things better than his ex! So cool to be compared to other women! Plus: He can even cry in front of you. Looks like you’re about to be in a relationship with this guy! Unfortunately, it could be a friend relationship, too, depending on his actual feelings and the amount of fear he has about entering into a relationship that happens to involve both feelings and sex. Did you even need to read this article? Seems pretty obvious!
You texted him “Are we dating, or just having sex?” and he wrote you back a day later and said, “This is a lot right now.”
Hmm. Tough call! On one hand, it seems like he’s not ready for a relationship, especially since it took him so long to respond. On the other hand, he wrote you back and told you how he feels (sort of)! Honestly, this might be the first step toward actually making it official. Or not! This is definitely what friends do — they get scared when you ask a question that involves talking about their feelings and they run away after boning you and laughing at your jokes and telling you how smart you are for three months. So you’re probably close friends and that’s it. Problem solved!
Looks like you’re well on your way to figuring out what’s going on with you and this guy. So embrace it! Spend all your time analyzing what he’s not giving you and let your unfounded assessment pave the way for your rocky future together — as friends, or as lovers who are just friends. Good luck!
