Since I was 16 years old and read As You Like It in my junior year English class, one passage always resonated with me. Shakespeare wrote, “All the world’s a stage, / And all the men and women merely players,” and went on to describe how we all play different parts, and all of our lives could be split up into seven separate ages, or acts, as he puts it. This speech allowed me to see my own life in a completely different light, but in today’s post-lockdown world where many concert-goers are still adjusting to attending live performances again, it now carries a much heavier meaning, which is that I could get a water bottle chucked at my head at literally any moment, especially when I least expect it.
In the year 2023 alone, Cardi B, Drake, Pink, Lil Nas X, Ari Lennox, Bebe Rexha, and randomly Florence Pugh were all hit by flying objects on stage that were launched by the very audience members who came to see them. If these worldwide celebrities aren’t safe, then I’m simply not either, and that’s according to Shakespeare!
It’s not even like I can go to another country to escape the constant threat of airborne water bottles — Shakespeare explicitly wrote that all the world’s a stage, so I’m basically a walking target no matter where I go. That’s why I’ve invested in a DOT-certified motorcycle helmet that I always wear — even while I sleep. You just never know!
Sure, I may not be dancing, singing, or doing press for a movie while a mass of galvanized fans with water bottles (potential weapons) watch me from their seats — my kind of performance is more sitting in my house, taking the train, and walking to the coffee shop while everyone else is kind of doing their own thing, but it is a performance nonetheless, and at any moment, all it takes is for one of these uninterested strangers who happens to be holding a water bottle to throw it and hit me square in the head. It’s a very dangerous trend, and it needs to be stopped before it happens to me.
As Shakespeare once said, “You never know when someone is going to throw something at your head when you’re just living your life.” Okay, he didn’t write that explicitly, but it’s all in the subtext! Sometimes you have to read between the lines.
