Sometimes you want to make love. And sometimes, you just want to destroy your man’s penis. Check out the eight sex positions below that’ll be sure to rock his cock off.
1. The Flip-it-and-reverse-it Corkscrew
Have your man lie on his back and mount him reverse-cowgirl style, facing his feet. Then go into a mini-backbend with the back of your head towards his face. Now grind into him like your trying to free a cork out of wine bottle with a broken corkscrew. The painful grip is sure to destroy his penis.
2. The One-Two Punch
This one’s not so much a sex position as it is an intimate way to relieve stress. After a long day of work, come home, light some candles, put on your favorite tunes, then punch your man in the dick. This will definitely take him by surprise, and you will most certainly destroy his penis.
3. Under the Bleachers
Not ready for home base? There are plenty of ways to satisfy your man without going all the way. Consider giving him a hand-job and never stopping ever. His penis will be ruined.
4. Icy-Hot
Playing with temperatures is an easy and fun way to spice things up in the bedroom. An ice cube on his penis will feel amazing. Dry ice on his penis will burn off the skin. Consider that penis destroyed!
5. The Raspberry Beret
Lots of men will tell you, they like it when you “go in through the out door.” So next time you get frisky, consider sticking a pinky in your mans’ anus. To increase stimulation, have your man lie down on a cement floor, effectively mashing his erection into the ground. Penis: obliterated.
6. The Pretzel
Have your man sit in a chair. Sit in his lap and drape your legs over his shoulders. Cross your feet. Then have him twist his legs around each other in a figure-eight. Have him bend them underneath the chair and behind his back. Tie the penis in a knot. Penis: destroyed.
7. Choke The Snake
Tie his wrists to your bedposts using his neckties. That’s right, 50 Shades of Grey style! Then grab some fishing line and tie it tightly around his penis (about two inches from the tip.) Then leave the room for a solid hour. When you get back, his penis will likely be destroyed.
8. The 69 Surprise
For those who love a good throwback to the sixties, get into the traditional 69 Position. While he’s performing oral on you, knee him in the face. While he’s reeling, knee him in the groin. You: 1, Penis: 0 (utterly destroyed).
Illustration by Carly Monardo
