8 Quick Labels For When You Don’t Know What The Fuck Is Going On In Your Relationship

Navigating relationships can be hard, especially when people are unaware of the damaging effects of not putting a label on this relationship, whatever it is! So here are some quick labels we just made up to describe what’s going on in this relationship when you have no idea what’s going on in this relationship:



A very close friendship loaded with sexual tension. Every single time you see him you want to jump him, but the context is too platonic, and how the hell am I supposed to make a move in the middle of this ZogSports softball game?


“Emojionally Invested”

When the most serious conversations you have always have to be suffixed by emojis, rather than actual meaningful human conversation. :(



When one of you (him) is well out of the other’s (your) league, so you’re constantly more invested than he is but need to play it off like you’re not. You can’t afford to scare him off! Not again!



When you never text before 6PM. Seriously, I’m able to get on my phone at work, so what’s his excuse? Seriously? He’s a dog walker.



When you guys dream about each other and wake up in the morning thinking about each other, but will never actually make anything official and also he keeps inviting you to his Oscar pool and what the fuck does that mean?


“Bae Or No Bae”

When you’re in a group hang and you talk to each other a lot but never venture out on a one-on-one date, and you’ve scoured old emails to see if his email is CC’d and it isn’t, and you’re friends with him on Facebook but he never checks it and you don’t feel like asking someone in the group for his info in case one of them rats you out, and you want to cry about it to yourself but can’t justify why you have all these feelings??


“Friends with Confits”

When you get fancy French meals with champagne and he always offers to pay, and always says “no” when you offer to pay, and then you’re out on the terrace and the moon is out and you start to lean in but then he gives you a “bro hug” and says “bye, buddy” and I wish I just knew WHAT THE HELL I WAS EATING ALL THIS DUCK FOR?


“Mindful Medit-datin’”

There has been no communication for two weeks. It’s unclear who stopped first. To cope, you focus on the present. You stare at a white wall. Thoughts of him come to mind. Just notice them and let them pass. You are mindful, you are aware, you are zen, and if you let this pass hard enough he just might text you and call you “babe” any moment now. Tadasana.



With these quick, simple labels for whatever the hell is going on with you two, your mind will be put at ease! At least until the “Brea-Chatting” phase when you’ll break up and still G-chat each other with no earthly purpose or end in sight! Good luck!