Being stuck in a relationship that’s “just good enough” can be difficult – especially when your partner has no idea that anything’s amiss. Luckily, there are ways to tell your man that you’re only with him because no one better is going to come along without saying anything at all. Wow your man with these completely non-verbal communications to showcase his mediocrity:
When he asks you slip into “something more comfortable,” put on your unwashed yoga pants.
Nothing says “obligatory sex night” like an unwashed pair of leggings. Sure, you used to put on that lacy bra with the matching garter belt when it was time to get down, but that was back before you farted on his balls. Replacing lingerie with workout wear tells him you’re here to stay and he can either take it or leave it, and let’s face it, he’s probably going to take it.
If someone asks how long you two have been together, smile, hard, for 10 full seconds.
Going to parties with your sufficiently significant other will often lead to questions about the length of your relationship. Deep down, you know it’s gone on longer than it should, so let him answer your acquaintance’s question with a satisfied, “Five years!” while you force a smile and count to 10 using the “Mississippi” anti-rage method. For the full effect, stare into your partner’s eyes and twitch your left one slightly. He won’t get the picture, but your friend sure will!
Switch to using “natural” deodorant.
You’re no longer concerned with what he thinks about your bodily odors – what’s he gonna do, dump you? Feel free to let him know that you’re only doing the bare minimum to keep the stank at bay. Goodbye, Degree. Hello, Crystal!
Make the “Jim from The Office” face whenever he says, “I love you.”
A frustrated smirk accompanied by raised eyebrows is the perfect way to tell him that you heard what he said, but you don’t care to dignify it with a response. Feel free to turn your head to an imaginary camera and let out a sigh. Michael Scott would be proud.
Instead of traditional anniversary gifts, always go with a prepaid Visa gift card.
Yes, you can vary the denominations.
When relatives ask, “When’s the wedding?” do your best real-life impression of this:
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The shrug emoticon is perhaps the truest expression of settling. Practice getting your palms to stay flat and work on your side-smile in a mirror before you attend any family gatherings, because once Aunt Irene asks why you’re not engaged yet, you’re going to want to have this nonverbal response in your arsenal.
Have his kids.
There’s only one way to let him know that you’re pretty much fine with spending the next 20 years of your life with him by your side: Have a baby. This move is especially powerful if you have broken up at any point within the last year, started dating in high school or have previously rejected his marriage proposal.
Whether it’s ignoring his intimate stares during romantic movie scenes, holding his hand just a little too loosely, or turning your head slightly to the left when he tries to kiss you in public, there are myriad ways to let your man know that he’s just okay, and you’re just okay with that.
