7 Simple Tips To Keep You Productive and Completely Alone

If your enormous to-do list starts hurting your social life, don’t panic! If you learn how to multitask like a pro, soon that list will magically become manageable, one lost friend at a time. You won’t believe how quickly and efficiently you can alienate everyone around you, leaving you with even more time to get stuff done! Here’s how:


Wake up crazy early.

Getting an early start to your day is an optimal way to both get more done and become a cranky nightmare person. You’ve already alienated your nighttime friends with your new 10 o’clock bedtime, but by the time you get in the elevator in the morning, you’ll still be so tired that you’re ready to make everyone’s life equally as miserable. Productivity!



Stay caffeinated at all times!

Drinking extreme amounts of coffee keeps you energized throughout the day, and has the added benefit of making you go to the bathroom really frequently (numbers one AND two). No one is fully comfortable around that person who’s very aware and might dart into the bathroom at any given moment, but think of how many ideas you would have! This could be you!


Cut out all distractions. All of them.

When you sit down at your desk, clear away anything that might split your focus. Turn off your music, log off of social media, destroy your phone, cover your walls with black garbage bags, and stare robotically ahead into the abyss. Remember: the un-fun ones get shit done!


Set time limits for meetings and enforce them mercilessly.

Each time you enter a room, defiantly set an hourglass upon the table as a visual reminder that time is always running out for each and every one of us, but especially productive people like you. This keeps everyone focused on the topic at hand and motivates your colleagues to get out of your presence and on with the rest of their lives as soon as possible. How’s that for synergy?



Use productivity apps liberally.

Become one with technology by turning into the task-oriented computer you were always meant to be. Download at least ten productivity apps and make sure to check them whenever you’re in conversation with others. This way, you don’t have to sacrifice efficiency to let people know you just enjoy speaking to them.


Stick to your schedule at all costs.

Productive people don’t have time for tasks that aren’t explicitly scheduled on their to-do lists. Truly productive people make one list that collects all of the lists they’ve ever made, and learn to live by that list alone. That’s exactly what productive people need to do. There is no outside world now. There is only The List.  People won’t like this very much, but you will certainly have a nice list!


Keep small talk to a minimum.

Actually, you know what? You don’t really need to worry about this one. There’s absolutely no one who wants to talk to you at this point. Well done, productive girl!


Follow these tips like the letter of the law, and you’ll have absolutely no trouble doing everything you want to do at work, with enough time to get home to that special no one.