Did you know that you are hardworking and special? Absolutely! Do you think that means you deserve a “sanity day” off from work? Don’t push it: All those warm-fuzzy feelings can make you forget that the world doesn’t revolve around you. If you think you might be pushing the self-care a little too far, here are seven telltale signs you need to tone it down and get back to feeling exhausted all the time.
1. You’re sleeping more than 6 hours a night.
Science tells us that getting enough sleep is crucial to our functioning. But don’t you think 6+ hours is a little excessive? Those extra hours of shut-eye are costing you precious time you could be using to transform yourself into someone more deserving of sleep. Here’s a tip: try coffee.
2. You’ve learned how to say “no”.
Congratulations: You’ve learned how to assert yourself and put your needs first. Now, you need to start saying “yes” again, cause you’ve already turned down a number of opportunities that would have furthered your career and improved your social and professional relationships. It’s time to do some major damage control on that right of refusal, sister. Your boss is a 26-year-old.
3. You’ve been “treating yourself” daily.
More like “tricking yourself!” This draconian form of self-love is just an excuse spoiled children use in order to keep eating candy after Halloween. You’re an adult now, and you’re supposed to be sad. Grow up, and brush your teeth.
4. You can hear your own thoughts.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. If you can actually process what’s going on in that nutty brain of yours, it’s time to crack down. You should be thinking of at least three or four things to distract yourself from the fact that life is precious and short. Otherwise, you’ll miss something on that endless to-do list of yours!
5. You take baths.
Besides the fact that you’re just listlessly soaking in your own filth, baths are an ethical no-no. Think of the starving children who can’t afford bathtubs! Trade it in for a budget showerhead that will have you squeaky clean in seconds. Then, adopt several rescue dogs and give them a bath.
6. You use affirmative phrases in the mirror.
All that positive energy you’re radiating into a piece of glass would be so much better spent on someone more important than you! Moments of personal reflection are better spent with a pep talk about the things you are doing wrong. Use physical force if necessary.
7. You have a hobby.
The fuck? Stop. Having a hobby is the most useless and self-indulgent practice ever. Luckily, this one’s a quick fix: Just sell your craft materials on Etsy, and put the money back into your savings account. You’ll love the extra pocket money (by “pocket” we mean “your 401k”) and your busy schedule will thank you.
If any of these signs sound like you, don’t be too hard on yourself. So you got a little carried away—it’s okay! Just keep a healthy dose of self-loathing in your back pocket for when you feel any of these habits coming on again. Only you can take back control of your life.
