Melissa is such a boss: She hired me, she reviews my performance, and she makes small talk with me on Monday mornings. So kickass! Melissa’s boss-ness is on fleek 40 hours a week, but we narrowed it down to the 6 times when Melissa was such a boss, we could only say one thing: YASSSSSS!
1. When she approved my vacation time.
Last week, I submitted a formal request for vacation time. And five business days later, Melissa got around to approving it in our system. Wow, Melissa—way to make a statement! When she pulled this badass move, Melissa let everybody know who’s in charge. (Spoiler alert: It’s Melissa, contractually.) Mind. Blown.
2. When she scolded me for coming in late four times in one week.
It’s Melissa’s office, and we play by her rules. Work starts at 9:00 AM sharp, so when I rolled in at 9:35 AM on Thursday, as I had been doing all week, she pulled me aside to remind me of our team’s tardiness policy. She saw what needed to be done and was a total boss about it. And she looked damn good doing it! Melissa, you are a KWEEN!
3. When she cut the tension from yesterday’s meeting by bringing in donuts this morning.
Where do I even begin with this one?! First, she leads an extremely uncomfortable meeting about our team’s under-performance last quarter. Everyone—and I mean ALL 10 OF US—thought the meeting could have been handled better. Then, the next day, she swings by Dunkin Donuts and picks up a dozen for the team. And just like that, we stuffed our faces and forgot about that awkward meeting. BOOM. What. A. Boss.
4. When she and I connected on a real, human level, but she decided not to pursue a friendship because it would complicate our work dynamic.
A few weeks back, Melissa mentioned that she loves Fleetwood Mac, which was crazy, because I had just seen Fleetwood Mac in concert! But before we could sing “Landslide” together, Melissa pumped the breaks. She’s such a boss that she knew that if I began to see Melissa as a friend, it might compromise her ability to provide negative feedback on my work performance. Classic Melissa, bein’ a boss.
5. When she left work early for parent-teacher conferences.
Um, literally Melissa, how can I be you? But for real. You know you’re in charge when you don’t need anyone’s approval to duck out a half hour early to make it over to Alcott Elementary on time. She just told us she was heading out, got in her Honda, and PEACED. Talk a bout an iconic boss move.
6. When she scrolled through resumes all afternoon, probably looking for someone to replace me.
I never thought someone could make scrolling through resumes for four hours look SO easy! Typical Melissa, judging applicants in less than 30 seconds while idly eating a Greek yogurt (protein packed!!!). It’s hard to get work done when your manager is casually SLAYING the game a mere three cubicles away! Melissa is too inspiring. Stop it, Melissa!
There’s no arguing that Melissa is a fucking boss, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy to do it, even on work time. If you need me, I’ll be daydreaming about hanging pictures of my kids at my desk and forwarding my employees emails from HR. As if I could ever be half the boss Melissa is. #Goals!!!!
