Who says lesbian sex has to be all scissoring all the time? That’s why we put together a comprehensive guide to help you have even more mind-blowing sex with your sweetie, which all involve buying a cottage upstate together, mutual pleasure guaranteed.
Buying an adorable one-bedroom house in the Catskills.
Surprise her in bed with the news that your offer on a house was just accepted, and you’re both moving there tomorrow. Nothing says Sapphic bliss quite like taking out a joint loan on a ranch house in Saugerties three months after you start dating!
Buying a fairytale home-to-be near all the best hiking.
Give the word “trailhead” a whole new meaning! For a spicy third date, pack up the Subaru and head North for a sexy outdoor adventure. You’ll both be quivering with excitement for that moment when you retire to your ivy-laced home together, and can no longer tell whose flannels are whose.
Buying a sweet, secluded bungalow where you can live in solitude, together.
This sex move is all about satisfying that pussy – meaning this is the perfect spot to care for all those stray cats you both said you wanted just before exchanging numbers at Trader Joe’s yesterday. Just remember to ask what her last name is before you list her as co-owner!
Buying a sequestered cabin away from it all.
This sex move is ideal for a couple of cabin gays, which you both are, two women living in Harlem who met last week and discussed your shared love of Bear Mountain for 45 uninterrupted minutes.
Buying a tiny house on the outskirts of Rhinebeck.
Efficiency is so erotic! This tidy home will be an excellent spot for you both to live out your days together. And an added bonus: You can have sex in the bedroom, kitchen, living room, and bathroom all at once!
Buying a quaint little place in a quaint little village hours from the big city.
Experience the truly unique, mutual orgasm of knowing you’re both leaving Brooklyn forever. You’ll both be in such throes of ecstasy, packing and unpacking the U-Haul that you won’t even realize when you’ve quietly slipped into lesbian bed death after the move. And honestly? With this sex position, you won’t even care.
This varied, daring, and unpredictable list will keep both you and your lover up for hours, because you both packed way too much stuff and you’re staying up all night to get the boxes out of the moving van. If this sex move seems a little advanced for you, start with masturbating while browsing listings on Zillow. Soon you’ll both be crying out, “Yes, Yes… Home sweet home!”
