How To Cry On The Train So People Are Like ‘Ooooo’ Instead Of Like ‘Uh Oh’

If you’re a woman on the go, life doesn’t pause for you to feel your emotions – sometimes you’ve just got to break down and shed a tear once in awhile! But regardless of what you’re feeling inside, it’s important to look your best in front of a few dozen strangers and draw them into this compelling moment instead of driving them away. Use these tips and tricks to make your crying moment so alluring and intriguing that fellow passengers will say “Ooooo” instead of “Uh oh”:


Dress for the occasion.

A put-together look can make all the difference between an “Ooooo…I wonder why this alluring woman is crying?” and an “Uh oh…this repulsive woman is crying.” Channel a Greta Gerwig heroine with a long coat, or try a belted dress to pique your fellow passengers’ curiosity about why a winsome milkmaid is all alone in the big city. For a more formal vibe, add a necklace so passengers will exclaim, “Has this woman has lost her lover on the night of the big gala?!” instead of, “Uh oh…that normal woman is really sad.”


Hold a book.

This technique will make you look like a soulful intellectual moved by the power of words. “What could be going on in this genius’s mind that has affected her so?” people will wonder. “I want to know, and for some reason, I just want to kiss her!” Don’t pick a book with a really obvious reason for crying – if you read Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, everyone will know you’re crying because you and your friends don’t all fit into the same pants. But hold the perfect book and soon everyone will be leaning forward, saying, “Ooooh… sad, literate girl!”


Do NOT throw up.

Whatever you do, do NOT throw up. It’s disgusting and should only be done in one’s own home. Throwing up will tip viewers from “Oooooh” into “Oh no” into “Eek!” Even if you really want to throw up, DO NOT. This part is important!



Hold big objects so your fingers look really delicate.

Unlit cigarettes. Dictionaries. Papers that could be an artist’s portfolio. Exotic birds. Fine cloths. All these and even more objects will make your fingers look super delicate in comparison so people will say “Ooooo…this sad waif is captivating!” instead of “Uh oh…. This boring woman is crying loudly.”


When all else fails, remember: Be beautiful. This one kind of speaks for itself and is also the main one. Compared to this tip, none of the other tips matter. Good luck!