Spring has sprung! We’ve been obsessed with a lot of stuff this season: gluten-free facial serum, upscale grilled cheese, and when a group of friends all wear the exact same coat! But it’s these six compulsions that are really driving us crazy and interfering with our interpersonal relationships.
1. Turning Off Light Switches
We are OBSESSED with turning off lamps, overhead lighting, even booklights! Now that there’s an extra hour of daylight, you should be extra certain to shut off your lights at night. We are loving turning them off at least 12 times, though never 13 times. Always an even number. And always under 20, or else it doesn’t count and you have to restart! Enter spring with a fresh, dark outlook!
2. Washing Your Hands
We are SO into washing our hands this season, since this past winter was full of nasty flu viruses and germs. Obviously you made sure to wash your hands a lot to stay healthy and not die, right?? This habit’s basically tradition now, so why waste your time trying to beat it? We’re all about washing our hands until they bleed!!
3. Tapping Pencils Three Times Before Each Use
Tap your pencil once for each month in spring! Make sure you give a flirty wink at your office crush while you do it, because if you don’t something bad could happen to them and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT! We love it!
4. Repeating Phrases
Saying the same thing repeatedly in your head is totally on-trend this season! When choosing a phrase, remember to have fun with it, because if you don’t have fun with it, you are bad and everything will crumble!! Be sure to personalize it and make it “you,” since it will consume most of your thoughts!
5. Keeping Old Newspapers
You know how you never know when you’re going to need a newspaper from 2003, so you have to keep it in what was intended to be a pantry? Yeah, us too! Luckily, hoarding your old newspapers is all the rage this season! #OBSESSED!
7. Checking That Loved Ones Aren’t Dead
If you weren’t already worried about everyone you love dying, now’s the time. Sure, they’re probably alive, but what if they die because you didn’t check? That would be such a faux pas and you remember that panic attack you had last time you made a faux pas. You better call them all right now — at least 12 times in a row, but never 13, always even, under 20. So chic!
Everyone’s doing these compulsions, even if they don’t have a mental illness about which they should speak with their doctor! Happy Spring!