Any woman can lose weight. It takes an exceptional woman to gain it all back immediately. With the following tips, you can shed those pounds just often enough to indulge in those unhealthy urges all over again. You’ll be a yo-yo dieting pro!
Join a Gym to Meet a Hot Guy; Eat Too Many Cookies When He Dumps You
Train at the gym until you’re just fit enough to attract a hot guy. Work out with him throughout your relationship. When he dumps you, quit the gym and spend all your free time eating cookies. Then join the gym again and repeat. You’re sure to develop a confusing and unstable self-image, which will further fuel the cycle.
Eat Only Kale; Realize Kale Is Disgusting; Eat Only Cheeseburgers
The secret to losing weight is the world’s trendiest vegetable, kale. Eat it exclusively for breakfast, lunch and dinner. After a few hundred servings, you’ll slowly realize kale tastes like shit. Switch over to eating exclusively cheeseburgers, until they start to make you feel sick or you’ve gained thirty pounds. Find new vegetable to focus on and begin again.
Lose Weight to Fit a New Outfit, Gain It Back When Outfit Goes Out of Style
Buy the trendiest outfit of the season one size too small, and diet like crazy to get into it. Then, after you’ve worn it three times, the pride will wear off enough to start eating again like there’s no tomorrow. Your body doesn’t need to look cute if you don’t have any cute clothes to put on it (until next season).
Eat Nothing for Three Days, Then Eat Everything for Three Days
Never underestimate the power of starving yourself. Deprive yourself of food until you’re about to pass out, and you’re guaranteed to lose weight. You might end up in the hospital, but there’s no progress without struggle. After you’re discharged, you’ll be hungry as a mofo, so eat everything in sight for the next few days.
Take a 10-Mile Run to McDonalds
Running is a great all-body workout, sure to help you shed those extra pounds. That’s why you should run, not drive to McDonalds. Go to one that’s at least ten miles away. The more miles you run, the more calories you’ll burn, and the more super-sized meals you deserve to eat when you get there.
Just remember – dieting isn’t dieting if it’s a healthy, sustained habit. Whatever you do to lose weight, do it in extremes and stop doing it the second you’ve reached your goal.
