The Super Bowl is finally here and your party won’t be complete without SUPER tantalizing appetizers you can serve up to your guests. But you don’t want them to assume your sick snacks are an endorsement of the policies of the NFL. The recipes below will not only satisfy everyone’s ravenous appetites, but also their ethical values in regards to the NFL taking responsibility for its poor decision-making!
Super Spicy Wings
The secret to making these mouth-watering wings extra spicy is to sprinkle cayenne pepper on both sides of the wing before soaking it in a mixture of water, salt, sugar and hot sauce. We won’t call them Buffalo wings, because naming wings after a city named after the Seneca Indians might be seen as offensive to them and we wouldn’t want anyone to think we approve of the Washington Redskin’s owners’ refusal to change the team’s name. The wings may be a little too hot for young football fans, so protect kids from burning their mouths instead of protecting adult professional athletes from the child abuse charges placed against them that they clearly committed. Add a bowl of blue cheese dressing to your wings platter for dipping!
Make sure you have fresh avocados to mash up and add a drop of salsa with a few squeezes of lime for game-winning guacamole. It’s very important that your avocados are fresh and haven’t been in your possession for several months without you taking any action with them before they became rotten. If you had clear evidence of how horrifically bad these avocados really were, under your roof during a lengthy period of time, you need to come forward and let your guests know the truth so they can make an informed decision about whether the guacamole should be banned indefinitely from the party.
Spread even layers of each ingredient into a large baking dish, including refried beans, sour cream, picante salsa, grated cheddar cheese and two separate reminders written on tin foil that Bountygate and Spygate happened under the NFL’s watch and several of the people involved still hold powerful positions within the league today. Make sure the last two layers go on top before placing the dish in the oven and serve just as the Deflategate discussion begins.
These can be prepared the same way you would with regular burgers, but use half the amount when forming the mini-patties and placing them on the grill while also grilling your guests about whether they’re aware of the numerous football players who are guilty of sexual assault and how a four game suspension won’t really teach them a lesson. Pile on lettuce, tomatoes and pickles and place on a bun as soft as the NFL’s punishments!
Spicy Chicken Pizza Poppers
We don’t actually know what the hell poppers are, but what we do know is that the commissioner had to be high when he decided that marijuana possession should have worse consequences than domestic violence arrests. And we bet he was eating these INSANE spicy chicken pizza poppers, too!
You’ll be the real winner of this year’s Super Bowl with these delectable recipes that hold the NFL accountable for their actions. We smell a case settlement cooking up!