We’ve all been there: It’s Mani o’clock and you’ve already removed last week’s French tips and laid out your file and cuticle trimmers, when suddenly you realize, YOU NEED TO MASTURBATE RIGHT NOW. Fear not! With these five quick-dry polishes, you’ll never have to choose between treating yourself and treating yourself again.
- Featherweight by OPI
This iridescent polish goes from liquid to solid in mere seconds, which is perfect for when you want to flick bean your without worrying about ruining your sheets. The smear-proof formula also means you won’t accidentally leave streaks on your new vibrator as you aggressively writhe around in your white comforter.
- Moonbeam by Sally Hansen
This yellow-green shade actually glows in the dark, so turn off the lights and pretend you’re being fingered by the spooky ghost hands of a dead lover. Massage your clit with your left hand and swipe through old Facebook photos with your right, keeping both your phone and vagina polish-free. Thank god your “allergic to acetone” roommate is out of town so you can finally do your nails and moan as loudly as you want without getting polish on “her” couch.
- Hot Stuff by Essie
The fiery orange color of Hot Stuff is sure to get you in the mood to take yourself to pound town. It goes on with just a few quick swipes, and won’t chip no matter how far up your asshole Pinky decides to explore tonight.
- Rise And Shine by NARS
You don’t do hot yoga four times a week because it’s fun; you do it because you want to get flexible enough to fist yourself, and tonight’s the night you make your eighth attempt (fingers crossed!). Rise And Shine is a convenient off-white color, so if it turns out there’s still a little bit of vagina gunk under your nails even after you wash your hands, no one will notice!
- Clear Gel A17 by Rimmel London
It’s just a clear gel, but it dries really quickly so you can get back to business. Business, of course, meaning exploring every millimeter of your external sexual organs until you collapse into serotonin-induced dreams of an experienced older British guy.
A good mani is important, but not important enough to miss a healthy pleasuring sesh. Make time to masturbate with these quick-drying formulas!
