Your mom has always been a bit hesitant about the up-and-coming neighborhood you live in that only has one Starbucks. Because of that, she regularly texts you gentle reminders to lock your door and to check if you’ve safely made it home from work. What a pain! The next time she comes to visit, take her to one of these local Paneras and assuage her fears with affordable bread in a familiar environment!
That Panera Where That Guy Touched Your Thigh
This Panera is just a few blocks from your house, and yeah, once a guy totally stuck his hand up your skirt there. No big deal, it’s a chain, so your mom is going to feel comfortable there! She’s gonna love the beige and green furniture. The friendly, uniformed workers will have her so satisfied she’ll get over the fact that you aren’t living in a WASPy suburb!
That Panera With the Graffiti Across the Street
Only a bus ride away, this Panera is conveniently located outside of your office. So what if there is graffiti near by? This restaurant still serves up the classic Macaroni and Cheese or Caesar Salad—dependable basics your mom will absolutely love. This fast casual lunch chain will stop her from checking your neighborhood’s crime report and texting you the statistics (they’re only sort of okay!).
That Panera Where You Threw Up In the Bathroom
This Panera has a special place in your heart, because you threw up in its bathroom. Was it something in the food, perhaps a sanitation issue? You still don’t know! Regardless, Panera bathrooms are clean and private, which will make your mom feel better about the neighborhood. Finally she’ll stop begging you to only take Ubers home!
That Panera Where You Lost Your Wallet
This is another great option. Don’t mention that you lost your wallet there, because your mom will definitely suspect it was theft. Guide her gently to the cash registers and let the You Pick Two option do the talking. Once she’s done with her Fuji Apple Salad and BBQ Chicken Flatbread, she’ll stop sending you emails about apartments with security systems!
That Panera Next to the Indian Supermarket
This Panera is a bit of a trip from your apartment, but there is an awesome Indian supermarket next door where you buy lentils in bulk. Lead your mom away from the delicious smells of the “ethnic” supermarket into the sterile, chain restaurant environment. Your mom will walk in, Panera card confidently in hand, ready to order the healthy, additive-free salad she knows and loves. And look at that, she qualifies for a free beverage! There is no way she will be in constant fear for your safety after that deal!
When your mom comes to town, a non-threatening meal served up in such a familiar atmosphere will calm any fears she has about your neighborhood and put an end to her bribing you to move home. Plus, staying inside is much more safe because someone got shot in front of your building like, last week! Deal with it, Mom!
