From your hippest friends to Hollywood stars, women are buying skeins of yarn and using them to think about making the cutest scarves, hats, mittens, and more. So grab a set of needles and jump on the old-lady craft bandwagon with one of these projects that you’ll never, ever complete:
1. A hat.
Go to the store, buy 3 skeins of yarn, size 8 and 2 circular needles, place markers, and ball the yarn.
Cast on 108 stitches.
Unfurl them because you messed it up.
Cast on 108 stiches.
Unfurl them.
Cast on.
Throw supplies against the wall.
Stop working on this project.
2. Mittens!
Buy two skeins of really nice yarn in a beautiful color with something soft mixed in, like angora maybe, and size 2 needles.
Cast on 64 tiny stitches.
Knit 4 rows.
This should take forever because the needles are so small.
Put the project aside.
Forget about it until winter.
Buy new mittens.
3. A scarf.
Buy 4 skeins of yarn in two different colors.
Leave them in the shopping bag for two years.
When you find them, they should be full of moth eggs.
4. A Sweater
Buy 6 different sizes of needles, a needle measurer, and those clip things.
Bring it all home where you remember that you forgot to buy yarn at the craft store.
Never go back.
5. Leg Warmers
Get the idea of making leg warmers.
Buy 3 skeins of yarn in bright colors.
Cast on 92 stitches on size 7 circular needles.
Make half a leg warmer, and grow frustrated because you missed a few stitches and now three days of work is all fucked up.
Decide that leg warmers aren’t that cute.
Now that you have experience not making some great knitting projects, you can dream up original things to not make. What could you not-make with three balls of yarn? A bag, a hat for a newborn, a dog sweater – the possibilities are endless! Happy trying!
