None of your friends are responding to your email about brunch this weekend. Not one of your coworkers replied to the hilarious GIF you sent about this morning’s staff meeting. Nobody has RSVP’d to your candle party. Though the situation may seem bleak, please know it’s probably not you, it’s that your subject lines just can’t compete with the rest of the Internet. Making your subject lines misleadingly enticing and highly clickable can help take your incredibly mundane life and its excruciatingly ordinary conversations and make them click-bait. Although 90% of readers will regret having clicked, your social life is about to get 10% more interesting with THESE shocking tactics:
DON’T: “Wanna bake some treats and watch The Babysitter’s Club movie at my place?”
DO: “My Place. Friday. You Won’t BELIEVE What I Have Planned For Us”
Incorporate exaggeration, mystery and luridness into your subject lines at every turn. While the original subject line may be more accurate to what you have in store, your friends might actually come if you make THIS clever switch.
DON’T: “When Are We Doing Christmas?”
DO: “If You’re NOT Alarmed About Out Christmas Plans This Year, You’re Not Paying Attention…”
Your subject lines should drip with suspense, leaving the recipients yearning and clicking for more. An email that simply asks your family when they want “to do Christmas” this year should really read like: “If You’re NOT Alarmed About Out Christmas Plans This Year, You’re Not Paying Attention….”
Plant a Seed of Curiosity with Leading Statements
DON’T: “Book Club Starts October 26th!”
DO: “You will like the first sentence of this email, but you will LOVE the 2nd.”
For an email about your desire to start a book club, do NOT mention the word “Book” nor “Club.” Try something more misleading. The first sentence will be, “Guys, I was thinking about something.” And the second will be, “Wanna do a booooook clubbbb!?”
Incorporate Political Conspiracies
DON’T: “Wanna stay in and make vision boards?”
DO: “The workshop that the NSA doesn’t want you to attend, but WILL change your Views on the Future FOREVER”
Your life needs spice however you can get it. Later, people might refer to you as “crazy” like it’s a bad thing, but they will be opening your emails when they’re titled like this.
Insult People’s Intelligence or Beliefs
DON’T: “Bocce League!”
DO: “You think you know how a BOCCE LEAGUE works, but you DON’T…Click to find out why you’re a fucking idiot.”
You might lose some friends over this, but they read it, didn’t they?
Make ‘em think twice
DON’T: “What do you think of my new bangs?”
DO: “Thought You Knew Me Well? THINK AGAIN.”
Force your readers to believe that everything they’ve ever known is a sham. You know they don’t want to tell you that you don’t have a face for bangs, but now they just might think again.
Threaten Embarrassment and Shame
DON’T: “Cute Video from the Wedding!”
DO: “Rachel’s Wedding Reception Video Just Went Up – You Look SO Fucking Crazy!”
This one is a little untraditional, but if you really want people to look at the picture of the umbrella you’re considering buying, you’re in the store NOW and need feedback, a subject line like this is pretty effective. They’ll click on that. For sure.
Though you may take some heat from using these strategies, remember: Anyone’s boring life can be worthy of click-bait.