Do you ever feel caught between your dedication to the Sisterhood and your burning desire to point out what a cunt Cheryl is? Do you feel as if you’re forced to choose between waving the flag of female solidarity, and flagging down Cheryl’s inappropriate Facebook posts? Luckily, part of liberation is being able to both champion Cheryl’s rights and point out that she’s a total cunt, all in the most feminist way possible!
1. Compliment Her Unabashed, Over The Top Sex-Positivity
Tell Cheryl know you think it’s really great how she’s not stifled by the patriarchy when it comes to freely showing expressing her sexuality, even if it means making queer-identifying people feel deeply uncomfortable. Let her know you really think her comfort with her thin, hetero-normative body is groundbreaking and it’s so inspiring that she doesn’t think about how it makes less privileged people feel about themselves. This will leave Cheryl with a stinging sense of shame!
2. Let Her Know She Could Work On Her Intersectionality
While it’s cute that Cheryl champions equal pay, she could really use some basic talks about the intersections of race, class, and sexuality. Maintain composure as you tell her this isn’t personal, but her feminist politics could use some serious overhaul, and that also she should stop posting “I Stand With Israel” memes if she wants anyone to respect her busted politics.
3. Point Out The Inspiring Ways She Reclaims The Word “Bitch”
It’s truly powerful for you to see a female peer so invested in reclaiming sexist language! Let Cheryl know just how good a job she’s doing at taking back the “bitch” moniker and making it her own feminist identity. Remind your more serious feminist friends about the time at the piano bar when she bragged to the group about her fat new raise, calling herself a “rich bitch” before asking the guy at the bar to buy her drinks. What a cunt, right?
4. Admire Her Unsolicited Advice For Other Women In The Workplace
Women have been discouraged from pursuing careers outside the home for far too many decades, so it’s great that Cheryl has managed to climb the ranks at her job! Let her know how much you admire her simultaneous ability to be a successful role model, and also a smug mentor. That time she told you that all you needed to be successful was a more efficient work ethic, despite coming from more money than you? That was very helpful; thanks Cheryl, such power!
5. Express Respect For Her Man-Eating Tendencies
Tell Cheryl that wow, you and the girls think it’s really great how she subverts the patriarchy and treats men the exact ways she’d never want to be treated! Express how inspiring it is, and how it totally doesn’t shine a bad light on feminists who want equal rights/freedom, and aren’t power hungry monsters!
If these tried and true feminist insults don’t calm the Cheryl-fueled storms in your stomach, we recommend you eat a few bars of vegan chocolate while revisiting your first Fiona Apple Album.