Other girls may be obsessing over the natural makeup look, but you’ve boldly decided to embrace your inner social pariah and wear your hatred for humanity on the outside with some hot dark lipstick! And sure, it’ll look amazing! Or at least it’ll look amazing for 30 seconds before half of it wears off, making you look kind of deranged the rest of the day, but so what? Here are our fave lipsticks to make you look kind of fucked up later.
Dark Brown
Is that early 90s Drew Barrymore? Nope, it’s you, kicking convention to the wind! You were going for a cute retro look with your floral dress, tights, and Doc Martens, capped off with the perfect shade of lipstick, and it worked for a sec, but now your inner lips are showing through and no one at work will look you in the eye.
Burgundy
You’re aging like a fine wine and your lips are coming along for the ride. Prepare to look like a sexy starlet until you attempt to wrap those bad boys around a lunchtime burrito, then prepare to field a lot of questions that begin: “Hey, do you need to talk?”
Matte Purple
You’re badly dehydrated and starving, but check out those smoochers! Just…don’t…move and you’ll maintain the hotness. Sure, your friends will eventually notice that you haven’t participated in their conversation for hours, but when they inquire into what’s up with you, strike a sexy, mysterious pose and their concerns will sail out the window.
Mauve
Okay, so this time you just YouTubed makeup tutorials because there has to be a trick to it or something, right? Like, how does anyone get the lipstick to stay on the inner lips part? And then are you not supposed to speak or drink or eat the rest of the day? Even drinking with a straw is a mess. Is reapplication necessary every hour? Stay, committed, girl! You look hawt.
Black
Wow, you really went for it! It’s colder out and the perfect time to rock some witchy trends, including any accessory that gives off the vibes of impending rot and death. Others may be busy planning for the holidays, but you’re here to remind them that our lady ancestors were burnt at the stake for being bad bitches, and why aren’t we still talking about that? This aggressive look will have your coworkers asking around lunchtime: “Hey, who let that sexy witch in here? Oh, it’s Carol. Wow…is she okay?”
Dark lipstick definitely isn’t for the weak of spirit, but it is for anyone who wants to turns head for a very brief amount of time before that attention devolves into genuine concern for your wellbeing.
