Going home with a guy you just met can be an exhilarating way to start a new relationship. But staying until the morning is a chill way to say, “I’m a baby-hungry nightmare.” Get the hell out of there – in a cute way! – with these endearing midnight ditches:
Hang your panties on his doorknob so when he wakes up, he remembers you had sex.
The most important thing is to make sure you guy doesn’t wake up thinking he didn’t get laid. If he blacks out and can’t remember what happened after midnight, it’s almost like YOU didn’t have sex. And you sure as HELL had sex. Thank him for a fun night by leaving him with another piece of laundry to do.
Write a fake phone number on his bathroom mirror with lipstick.
Imagine his surprise when he goes to take his morning pee and sees your decoy digits drawn on his vanity mirror along with little hearts. He’ll think it’s so cute, he won’t even be mad when he finds out you used the number of the Chinese food place across the street. You want him to know you had fun, but not that much fun.
Leave a trail of Hershey’s kisses to the fire escape window you climbed out of.
When he wakes up and accidentally steps on the half-melted chocolate, he’ll know you were thinking about your night of passion as you scurried away down a rusty ladder in the dark. Now that’s spontaneous!
Draw hearts on the pieces of mail you looked at to remember his name.
Things got a little fuzzy after your sixth martini, so who could blame you for forgetting whether your fling’s name is Mike or Robert or something foreign-sounding that you wouldn’t have remembered if you were sober? As soon as your lover is asleep, investigate the mail on his kitchen table to find out his true identity, then draw a playful heart around his name so he knows you intend to block him on Facebook so he can’t contact you again.
Change his laptop screensaver to a montage of drunk selfies you took at the bar.
Instead of that boring montage of nature photos, surprise your man with a new, customized screensaver featuring the series of sloppy iPhone pics you took before you got busy. Bonus points if he uses the computer for work – now all his coworkers will know that you’re DTF and hey, maybe some of them are cuter than him?
Just because you’re fleeing to the comfort of your own shower doesn’t mean you can’t do it adorably! He’ll be thinking of you long after he forgets your name when he wakes up.