4 Tight Pencil Skirts That Will Keep the Thousands of Tiny Spiders That Make Up Your Body in Place

Ponte-Knit Pencil Skirt (Old Navy, $25.00)

This casual pencil skirt is great for picnics at the park, which is where you can go to recruit more spiders to join your spider coven. After all, this woman shaped human is great, but to get more powerful you need more followers. And you can’t just walk to the park and find the spiders without a cover story. So wear this breezy and breathable skirt and tell your human friends you want to have a human picnic with sandwiches and pies and linguine a la puttanesca or whatever humans eat at picnics, then wait for the spiders to come to you. They will always come. Always.