While people with their parents’ or friend’s parents’ Hulu sign-in everywhere have fallen head-over-heels for Connell, the communicative, chain-wearing heartthrob, living in the shadow of his memory may be more than some can bear. If you’re longing to hold on to a little piece of the rugby-playing, short-story-writing lad, try out these four objects you can put a chain on and just kind of call them Connell.
Your bedside lamp
Wake up to the shy yet passionate Connell every morning by placing a silver chain on your bedside lamp. Read his favorite works to him by his own light, and stay up late discussing the texts. “Mind if I turn you on?” you’ll laugh. “Connell, you’re blushing again.” This is healthy!
A fully clothed mannequin
We could all use a little company right now, and what better place to start than a full-body mannequin in a rugby uniform. Sit him down at your kitchen table, and talk to him about everything and nothing. Will this chain-wearing plastic man love you unconditionally and always want you more than anything and anyone? Not really, but at least it’s not going to go get an MFA in New York.
A body pillow
Cut right to the chase and put a titillating chain right on a big, solid body pillow. Spritz a little cologne on that bad boy and don’t be afraid to get close. After all, you’d have to in the twin size bed of Connell’s childhood room. Just don’t go for a chain with too much slack, or it will hit you on the face when the pillow’s on top of you. Why is the pillow on top of you? That’s your business.
There’s nothing wrong with buying your man some neck candy. He’ll love the unexpected, unsolicited gift. And as for being called Connell? Well, people can adapt to almost anything. Sound!
So try out one of these chain-adorned objects to help fill the Connell shaped hole in your heart. You may never feel this fictional character’s touch, but you’ll be almost as fulfilled fingering his delicate chain while you whisper, “Connell” in an offensively bad Irish accent. It doesn’t get much better than this.